Just do it already!!!

I wonder if this will help.

I'm on a mission. A mission I've been on since 2001, just after I had my second son. I have discovered so much about myself in the last 11 years, some of which I'm not too proud of.  I am proud, however, of the fact that I'm finally taking the time to embrace it all.  I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be.  What I do want is to be around to see my grandchildren and actually be able to entertain them. I'd also like to enjoy retirement age, on my feet, not in a bed, wheelchair or God forbid, a casket.

I think I've found the will, the determination, the courage and the perseverance to start a workout routine. It may not be something as exciting as the stuff you see on the infomercials. Some hard core people might even laugh at me.  But it's a start. And I'm ready.

My husband has been lifting weights since he was a young teenager, six days a week, faithfully. In the 15 years that I've known him, he's never lost site of his goals. He's always been aware of his physique and his eating habits. He's always held on to the hope that one day, he'd have that perfect body he always wanted.  His discipline is enviable. I really always thought it was a guy thing to actually want to work out all the time.  Of course, I'd always been a bean pole who never had to watch what I ate.  Even after I had my first son, who was gigantic, I went back down to a size 5 within a couple weeks.  High metabolism? Maybe. Genetics? Maybe. I think I was just lucky. Now all that carelessness and naivety is catching up to me.  For the last few years I've felt depressed, embarrassed and disgusted with myself.  Hearing my husband constantly talking about his workout, his diet and his body doesn't help.....or does it? Is that what finally has me determined to do something with myself? In my weak little mind I've been hurt by comments he makes knowing all the while that it's not his fault, but coming across as if it is.  Why would he constantly talk about it and throw it in my face when he knows how I feel? Does he not understand how hard this is for me? He works physically hard for a living but I work hard too! 45 hours a week I'm away from home, away from my family, dealing with people who are plagued with issues and taking it out on me.  It's mentally straining to have to uphold this professional attitude all day long. When I come home, I enter the house through the kitchen and don't leave that room until dinner is cooked and dishes are done.  That's at least 2 hours, right? I take one look around my house and immediately I tell myself that my first priority is cleaning up messes.  Like that's ever going to end!? There will always be messes to clean up.  I'm the only girl in my house! The moment I try to sit down and rest a million thoughts race through my mind. There's laundry to be done! There's a dirty cup...better put that in the dishwasher. Did the laundry chute get fixed yet? I need to hang a new shower curtain. Did the dog just pee in that room? How many days do I have left to pay the utility bills? Did I eat too much at dinner? I wonder if I have time to vacuum the basement and stairs. Maybe tomorrow we can get the stuff out of the garage and drop it at the goodwill.  I'll bet it's going to cost an arm and a leg to get that car fixed. My son should definitely be cleaning his room, not playing video games. Why is my husband bouncing around with all that energy after working 12 hours straight, pushing an 800 lb. machine, in the rain? Will this headache ever go away??? That's all in the first 5 minutes of attempting to get a little rest.

I have made every excuse for why I can't work out from one day to the next. I get up at 5:30 a.m. Monday through Friday. Well, the alarm is set for 5:30 a.m.  I usually roll out about 6:00 a.m.  I make a pot of coffee and my husbands lunch while he's in the shower and then I have to wait until he leaves to get ready for work.  Most of the time, he's parked behind me so if I try to jump in the shower, he ends up having to wait on me.  After he leaves I have about an hour and 15 minutes to get ready for work and get the monster up and ready for school.  Trust me, 'the monster' is nothing short of absolutely appropriate. His ADHD meds don't kick in until about 30 minutes after he leaves for school.  And they wear off about an hour before I pick him up at the end of the day. There's nothing more fun that telling a 10 year old 16 times to brush his teeth, 12 times to get dressed, 22 times to quiet down, 10 times to leave the dogs alone, 15 times to put his shoes on, 11 times to get his book bag and 19 times to get in the car. I'm tired 30 minutes after I get out of bed! Once I get to work I'm in need of a 3rd cup of coffee but in light of the fact that I've already gone pee 4 times by then, I'm usually pretty good about letting that need go unfulfilled.  Usually.  Half way through the day I start counting the minutes to quitting time.  I do love my job, don't get me wrong. It's the times when I feel under appreciated, under paid, taken advantage of and taken for granted that make me want to abandon ship. You can only be accused of not doing your job a few times a day before you start believing it.  Picking up the monster is usually pain free.  He talks my ear off all the way home and that helps keep me from thinking about all the crap I put up with all day. Most days require a trip to the grocery store before arriving at the home front.  Dinner is usually served by 6:30-7:00 p.m. and I'm usually out of the kitchen by 8:00 p.m.  That leaves one hour for homework, playtime, showers and good night kisses.  9:00 p.m. for the monster.  This is when I get to sit down for 5 minutes. Sometimes 5 minutes turns into 50.  And sometimes, the couch makes a really great bed. There aren't too many nights that I sleep with no interruptions.  The dogs have to pee, the bar patrons outside my window have a hard time getting to their cars, my husband hogs the bed and the covers and the little dog can't ever get close enough to that little nook behind my knees.  I'm good with the little dog behind my knees. He loves me and it's comforting.  In recent years I've been through some traumatic situations that have caused me to screw up my sleep schedule and my eating habits because of pain, depression, physical illness and lack of motivation.  I've blamed my lack of motivation and discipline on fatigue and generally not feeling well.  I always thought I'd be wasting my time to try to start a work out routine that I couldn't maintain.  I don't know what the hell I was waiting for.  Lightening? A winning lottery ticket? World War III? Do you see what I mean by excuses??

A couple days before Christmas my husband asked me if I wanted to start a work out program with him.  You know the one I'm talking about. With Tony What's-His-Name. The one that takes 3 months to complete? Yeah. That one.  P90X. He couldn't quite read my 'are you effing kidding me' face.  Apparently I looked like I was just contemplating.  So, Mr. work out buff, who lifts weights 6 days a week wants to start something new that will kick his ass into shape.  Great. Good luck, muscles. I wish you the best. This girl? Not ready for that.  Before I knew it he had popped in the video and I was on the floor, on the brink of tears, begging my weak little body for just one little push up. Just one. I was even doing them girly style with my legs crossed. Well hot damn, I did 4!!!  Pull ups were a little more challenging.  I made it all the way through the routine! I didn't do as many reps as my husband. And I didn't use near the amount of weight.  But I did it. I decided to do it because I knew he wasn't going to stop asking me.  But I stuck it out to prove to myself that I could do it. And I did!  Hello, motivation and determination! Here we are, 2 weeks later and I've done 6 days worth of this work out routine.  In light of the holidays I was a little short on time some of those days, but I am very proud of myself.

Now that I know I can make it through a 60-90 minute routine as hard core as that, I feel like I can do anything! I did yoga for the first time and I promise you...I will never view yoga as a 'girly work out' ever again! I've done Tae Bo and dancing routines and even some celebrity routines, like the Carmen Electra one.  I love it all.  I may not have the kahunas to make it 90 days with P90X just yet...but I'll be working out nonetheless.  If I don't think I can make it through that, I'll pop in my Tae Bo cardio.  If I need something a little less cardio and a little more targeted, I'll pop in some yoga.  And if I need something REALLY motivational, I'll share the room with Carmen for 36 minutes. Like I said, this might not be the way other people go about starting a routine but I figure if I just do something every day...I'll condition myself mentally and build the confidence to try P90X again.  Whatever happens, my goal is to love my body again.  I want to wear a bikini and not have to cover it up with a t-shirt or a wrap.  I want to get back in my skinny jeans.  I want to feel better. I want to keep up with my kids...and my grand kids.  I want to live a long time and make a million memories for my kids to hold on to.

I know there are a ton of different websites where I can keep track of this stuff, but this is how I want to do it.  Maybe I'll use some of those other resources too.  But for now, this is what I'm comfortable with.  And you know what? That's ok.  Because at least I'm doing something! Watch out Billy Blanks! Prepare yourself, Tony Horton! And move over Carmen Electra! It's on! This girl is prepared to Zumba herself right into sexy!!